(Random from my journal -A season of backsliding October 2014)
Today for the good part of the morning, I felt angry and frustrated, giving heed to all the negative thoughts encircling my mind. The negative energy I was creating was only fueling my discomfort about how easy it is for others to misunderstand or twist what you meant for good. Have you tried helping out a friend in a situation- giving them your time, your space, and your energy? Even at the last minute, you run for them-you know; like a-go-for! They get you so involved in their world that when you least expect it, your own personal world is crumbling piece by piece, as if bitten by some type of rodent. I am surrounded by rodents: the squirrels who love burying their nuts in my garden; the field rats or mice that the wild cats kill and leave, soon to foul up the air; and then there are the beavers down by the big canal whose job is to chew on the bark of young trees, also attempting to chew on the bark of the old trees, but I guess chewing on the old trees can be detrimental to their time and energy.
Nothing satisfies I kept on saying out loud in my mind. Then it came out like a whisper under my breath, nothing satisfies.I mean nothing-no man, no sex, no club, no education- squat, nil, zero. A very unusual mantra because I said it over and over again. I was very upset (saying so quite mildly). I didn’t want the children around me to hear my muttering as I continued my self-condemning, nothing satisfies. I was just about to raise my voice to say something derogatory in light of how I was feeling. The horrible F word was forming, ready to be fueled out. But the gentle touch of a child almost made me jump out of my brown, patchy skin…
Then I said: ‘Forgive me Father for I have sinned.’
Now I have to love my enemies.
(c) 2016 jjf
Image ‘No Satisfaction’ retrieved from http://www.myquotesclub.com on January 20th, 2016